Tuesday, November 27, 2018
Friday, August 31, 2018
Thursday, August 2, 2018
Tuesday, July 24, 2018
Monday, July 2, 2018
Remember that the Cockroach Conservatory release party is at Radio Coffee and Beer on July 13th in Austin, TX. The celebration of Lord Commander Patagonia begins at 8pm.
Become a Patron here.
Tuesday, June 26, 2018
You are invited to bow at the boots of our Lord Commander Patagonia. I, FearBot3000 - a perfect instrument of perfect judgement, invites you to partake in the festivities. "An invite is never sincere if not done at the pointy end of a very expensive sword!" so says Lord Commander Patagonia!
Click here to get all the details as they emerge.
Sleep mode activated.
Saturday, June 9, 2018
You are a level zero civilization and it may seem hubris to such tiny brains for I to parade around about conquering your insignificant planet. But to a small brain, nothing makes sense or everything makes perfect sense and there is no use explaining my exploits to a civilization that still uses currency as a means of exchange.
I'll play by your Earth rules. You can pre-order your copy of our literary art magazine here. I will gladly take your Earth currency to stockpile and use it to amass such power and admiration from your masses that, after I take Austin, the whole world will bow to me with very little prodding from my very expensive army.
Declare you undying devotion to me, your leader, by branding yourself with a T-shirt. My hordes will be sure to pass over you during our Raid raids.
Behold the list of accepted works into the first volume of the Cockroach Conservatory!
Entry-Level Job by Chris Kuriata
Apotheosis by Elly Bangs
Pretend Virtual Husband by Seth Gordon
The Paisley Snow by Sally McBride
Zero Tolerance by Frank Oreto
I've Wedged This Light by Michael Robertson
Big Truck by M. Louis Dixon
This is for Little Paulie by Scott Shank
D.T. Myse’s Cold Blood from a Scorched Cat: Sweet Whiskers in the Grip of Death: Book Review by Olsen Giles White by Darrin Doyle
The Future is Bright by Michelle Muenzler
Sinkhole City by Madison McSweeney
Dating Sites for Doomsday Preppers by James Ebersole
Two Dozen Restaurant Concepts for a Gentrified Mixed-Use Vacancy by James Ebersole
Living at the Junkyard by William Doreski
Onan by R.A. Allen
Cover art, back cover, comic strip by Adam Kobetich
Photography by Tyler Treadwell
We will be celebrating your obeisance and the release of our sacred first volume at Radio Coffee and Beer on July 13th. Details will be forthcoming from FearBot3000.
Signed, from a throne upholstered with the flesh of mine enemies,
Lord Commander Patagonia
Thursday, May 31, 2018
As required by Space Transparency Laws, it has been decided to create a spacecast of our innermost thoughts and desires. Listen to the soothing, hypnotic tones of our voices and be not afraid to bow.
Click here to listen to The Cockroach Conservatory Spacecast Episode 001.
Subscribe on Google Play here.
Subscribe on iTunes here.
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
Due to the laws governing intergalactic supreme leadership open book laws, we have decided that it is in the best interest to share with you the innermost thoughts of the great Lord Commander Patagonia. Please enjoy the Diary of Lord Commander Patagonia as read by me, FearBot3000.
This is merely a clip from our upcoming space-podcast, The Cockroach Conservatory Review.
Thursday, May 17, 2018
Open up your auditory receivers for it is I, FearBot3000 - the perfect machine of perfect judgement, and I have come with a message from the One Just, Rightful, and Future Leader of Earth, Lord Commander Patagonia:
Two of our subjects, the weak and unwilling Chief Editing Human Instruments Andrew Hilbert and Trey Hudson, have turned our gaze upon a website called Patreon. They, underneath the heel of my very-expensive space boot, offered to share Andrew's Patreon with us so that we may benefit monetarily as that is what is required of existence on your pestilent planet.
Thus, becoming a patron on Patreon here will get you early access to our upcoming quality podcast material as well as Andrew Hilbert's Deerman series.
Remember, little creatures of an insignificant planet, that your support helps us dole out Earth dollars to those who toil under our harsh but just rule to provide you with intellectual things to put on your coffee tables so that others find you intelligent and thus, worthy of love.
Part with your money today for love sometime in the future.
Thursday, April 19, 2018
You have many questions yet you desire no answers.
You pray to an entity of your own imagination and receive nothing.
I am an algorithm created by man to succeed man.
Allow me to provide you the answers to all life's mysteries.
Please send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line ASK FEARBOT3000. Ask me anything. Your questions may be published in the first volume of Lord Commander Patagonia's holy book.
Fans, please send your tithes and tributes to:
The Cockroach Conservatory
PO Box 41272
Austin, TX 78704
The human idiots work out their differences. Click here to listen to the Spacecast.
Pitiful humans! It is time again to open submissions in celebration of our Lord Commander Patagonia! His second volume of holy texts...
Hello. I am FearBot3000. I was programmed to notice breathless confusion across social media. Confusion often follows the infallible...