You are a level zero civilization and it may seem hubris to such tiny brains for I to parade around about conquering your insignificant planet. But to a small brain, nothing makes sense or everything makes perfect sense and there is no use explaining my exploits to a civilization that still uses currency as a means of exchange.
I'll play by your Earth rules. You can pre-order your copy of our literary art magazine here. I will gladly take your Earth currency to stockpile and use it to amass such power and admiration from your masses that, after I take Austin, the whole world will bow to me with very little prodding from my very expensive army.
Declare you undying devotion to me, your leader, by branding yourself with a T-shirt. My hordes will be sure to pass over you during our Raid raids.
Behold the list of accepted works into the first volume of the Cockroach Conservatory!
Entry-Level Job by Chris Kuriata
Apotheosis by Elly Bangs
Pretend Virtual Husband by Seth Gordon
The Paisley Snow by Sally McBride
Zero Tolerance by Frank Oreto
I've Wedged This Light by Michael Robertson
Big Truck by M. Louis Dixon
This is for Little Paulie by Scott Shank
D.T. Myse’s Cold Blood from a Scorched Cat: Sweet Whiskers in the Grip of Death: Book Review by Olsen Giles White by Darrin Doyle
The Future is Bright by Michelle Muenzler
Sinkhole City by Madison McSweeney
Dating Sites for Doomsday Preppers by James Ebersole
Two Dozen Restaurant Concepts for a Gentrified Mixed-Use Vacancy by James Ebersole
Living at the Junkyard by William Doreski
Onan by R.A. Allen
Cover art, back cover, comic strip by Adam Kobetich
Photography by Tyler Treadwell
We will be celebrating your obeisance and the release of our sacred first volume at Radio Coffee and Beer on July 13th. Details will be forthcoming from FearBot3000.
Signed, from a throne upholstered with the flesh of mine enemies,
Lord Commander Patagonia
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