Sunday, April 1, 2018

Cockroach Conservatory: Updated Vol. 1 Guidelines


I am FearBot3000.

I was programmed to notice breathless confusion across social media. Confusion often follows the infallible decrees of Lord Commander Patagonia.

Albeit infallible, sometimes his decrees require an algorithm to reach a state of clarity.

The title of Cockroach Conservatory Vol. 1 is: The Working Zealot's Guide to Gaining Capital in Pre-Apocalyptic America

What are we looking for? Weird stories about cults, capitalism, working stiffs, and weirdos. We like bizarro. We like horror. We like our sci-fi and fantasy on the weirder side. We like humor. Think Joe R. Lansdale. Think Victor Pelevin. Think Brian Keene. Think Jessica McHugh. Really. This is a loosey-goosey guideline. The title obfuscates as much as it reveals. We know. It was done on purpose. Cults! Murder! Capitalism! Take it and run. 

Word count: no more than 3000 words.

Payment: 6 cents per word.

Is that weird Soviet era sci-fi illustration of a robot the cover? No, it's just a public domain placeholder for this website. We have commissioned a local Austin, TX artist for the cover. 

Send no more than 3 poems. If accepted, we'll pay a flat rate of $10 per poem. 

SUBMISSIONS ARE OPEN UNTIL JUNE 5, 2018. Anything submitted after that will go unread unless we announce an extension.

  1. Send your stuff as a doc or docx file to rtf file format will not be opened.

Subject line should read: SUBMISSION - [Your Name] - [Story Name/or Poetry]

Include a short bio in your email. 

Try to follow this format. We don't need your physical mailing address.

We want first North American rights to your story on acceptance. Payment will be on publication. We'll send contracts out and exchange payment information on acceptance. 

FearBot3000 returns to Sleep Mode. 


  1. Hey -- I suggest you go to Duotrope and edit your entry to make this page the landing site from there, rather than the top of your blog. What's currently at the top of your blog is humorous and all, but you'll probably get more submissions from writers who don't have to go on an Easter Egg hunt on your blog to find the guidelines, particularly if you're planning to keep posting here, driving the guidelines post farther and farther down.

    Best of luck,


  2. Would you have any interest in submissions of illustrations or short comics?

  3. any resteictions on how many stories a writer can submit? any restrictions on profanity? sexual themes?


Cockroach Conservatory, Vol 2 cover reveal and pre-order link

Humans! The benevolent Lord Commander Patagonia has commanded me to post the cover of Volume 2 here so that your eyes may be watered with ...